Cake: On Birthdays and Dreams Deferred

I'm trying to do homework.

I know, it's the 4th of July, right? And clearly, if I'm posting, I'm not getting much done. My heart hasn't been in much lately, just because I've been hoping for news that my life would change drastically.

The silence has been deafening.

And now it's time to move on. While the end is not official and the wait continues, the next cycle moves on and waits for no one. I received some feedback on what I can work on and all I can do is tick off as much of that to-do list as much as possible.

Hence, the homework. I'm never going to discuss my stats on this website, but I will say that those who know the process might have scoffed at the idea of a humble chemist making it this far. I wasn't even a biochemist back in the day, meaning I took more physics than biology along with the usual chemistry courses.

Oh, did I mention I'm terrible at math? I love to joke that I'm the only Asian-American who can't add, but it's sadly true that I have no knack with mathematics. What is physics? Yes, applied mathematics, meaning that the slew of physics courses I took as an undergrad were more of a chore than anything. My grades weren't pretty. Life also had its bumps in those days, so there's a lot to make up for.

I did, for the record, pass physical chemistry on the first try. So there.

It's hard not to chafe at the idea of having to do this again. To have all of my mistakes neatly laid out with the gentle reminder that I am competing against folks who don't have the blemishes. Nevermind that the good stuff is strong. This is a system that doesn't forgive mistakes. I knew that when I went into it.

So, I'm going back to school for lots of biology. I like it a lot more than physics. It's very likely that I'll be here in San Diego for another year. Not a bad place to be "stuck", of course, but I really didn't want to be here another year.

Posting will be intermittent, but this blog is never far from my mind. And I won't be completely silent. I'm still writing for San Diego CityBeat and I'm on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest. Come by and say hi.

The photos? From my recent birthday, celebrated in Cayucos. A handful of friends, lots of wine, tons of food, and a gorgeous birthday cake. For my 30th birthday last year, I wanted to make my own cake decorated with I Am Baker's piped roses. I was terribly ill on my 30th, so it didn't happen. Dan refused to let me make my own cake, so he asked Cassie's Custom Cakes to make it exactly as I wanted. Vanilla/chocolate marble cake with a layer of custard and tons of buttercream roses. Perfection.

Some of the folks there, I haven't seen in months or even years. We packed the most insane picnic lunch to take on our wine-tasting outing. I watched Bear play on the beach. We even had a piñata. I left the camera at home and took photos with my phone.

It's going to be a long year, but the joy and contentedness from that weekend will remind me that, dark parts or not, life is good and everything happens for a reason.